We all want to feel like we belong somewhere. We all want to feel included and loved by those around us. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things, but sometimes we enter into the territory of pleasing people. It’s the place where we feel like we either have to change who we are to make someone else comfortable, or try our very hardest to make others happy (knowing that whatever we say or do will not satisfy them). When we please people, we often forget about ourselves in the process because all of our energy is centered in trying to not hurt the person’s feelings (aka being a “yes man”). In some ways, we also neglect God in the process. In this blog post, I will be listing three signs that you may be people pleaser, as well as my own experiences.
You see the word “no” as a curse word (aka you can’t say no)
Growing up, I used to say yes to everything and anything, especially if it was something I did not want to do. The word “no” was not in my vocabulary at all. I tried my hardest to please the people around me by saying yes whenever they needed me to do something because in my mind, if I said no , I felt like I was letting them down. I have realized, however, that this places the other person’s feelings over your own, which is toxic; when you feel uncomfortable with something, you should not have to dismiss that for the sake of another person. That is exactly what I was doing. My friend, saying no is a form of self care. Lemme say that again for the people in the back: Saying no is a form of self-care. Not everything that a person demands from you needs to be answered with a “Yes I can do that.” Some people might be offended if you say no, but at the end of the day, you have absolute control over what you can and cannot tolerate.
You do everything in your power to make people “see you”
In this social media age that we live in, it is so easy to get warped in the idea that we need to be seen. For some of us, we let the likes and the comments we get on social media puff us up. Essentially, if we don’t get the right amount of likes or the right amount of heart eye emojis under our photos, we feel that the picture we posted is not cute. I am 1000% guilty as charged when it comes to this. There have been so many times where I would post a picture on social media for no other reason than to see how many likes I would get; I felt like those likes validated me in some way. If I didn’t get a high amount of likes, I would delete the photo. On the contrary, sometimes I would post and post in hopes that someone would say something nice like “You’re so stunning” or “You’re gorgeous” with a bunch of hearts. What’s the common denominator in all of this? My identity was rooted in those comments rather than what God’s Word says and what His truth is. I came across a voice memo that I recorded back in July that touches on this perfectly. Here is what I said: “We let the likes, and the comments and the reposts get to our heads. It’s almost as if we’ve replaced what God has said about us according to His word with what people say about us. We are not thinking about the fact that we are fearfully and wonderfully made according to Psalm 139:14; we are thinking about what that person said under our instagram post. What if social media shuts down one day? Then what are you going to do? At the end of the day, what God says about us through His Word should take prominence in our hearts and minds.”
Your allegiance to people is greater than your allegiance to God
Galatians 1:10- For do I now persuade men or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. This verse is a verse that I am constantly depositing into my spirit. So often we seek acceptance and praise from man and the world, and, at the end of the day, it never seems adequate enough. The question we really have to sit down and ask ourselves is: “Does my desire to please people override my desire to please the Lord?” The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31 “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Similarly, Colossians 3:23–24 says, “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” Like I said earlier, I am guilty of posting things so that I can receive accolades and praise from people. The truth of the matter is this: People can never and will never give me what God has given me. The fact that I have not just the Father alone but the Son and the Holy Spirit with me is more than enough. At the end of the day, pleasing people more than you please God only reveals the posture of your heart and your motives so check your heart.
Bringing it all together
Breaking the stronghold of being a people pleaser can be difficult. I myself am still learning to be more adamant and bold in the things I will and will not tolerate from people. This blog post might have convicted you in a way you’ve never been convicted before, but please don’t numb it (I too was convicted while typing this whole thing). Transparency can be uncomfortable, but it brings about breakthroughs and change. At the end of the day, you have to be real with yourself in order to become your better self.
Until Next Time,
Oretha the Orator
